No one warns you about the rage.
Not the dramatic, explosive kind, but the quiet, simmering rage that builds when you leave your 9–5 to build something of your own, and the world around you keeps treating your time like it’s still flexible, optional, or expendable.
The Rage of Carrying More, Not Less
This was my first holiday season as a full-time business owner. I quit my 9–5, but instead of feeling lighter, I felt heavier. More pressure. More responsibility. More mental load. I’m no longer clocking in for someone else; I’m building something far harder. I’m running a business, managing a team, creating a podcast, making decisions that directly impact income, while still being a mom.
And yet, the holiday vibe didn’t allow space for that reality.
The Rage That Comes From Disrupted Structure
Family visiting, friends in town, last-minute plans, outings, meals, conversations, all well-intentioned, all loving, all disruptive. My family came to visit for the holidays, and while the visit itself was meaningful, it completely disrupted the structure my business depends on. Days blurred together. Routines disappeared. And suddenly, the work that requires deep focus, editing episodes, outlining content, managing workflows, had nowhere to live.
Creative podcast work isn’t light work. It requires energy, clarity, and presence. You can’t outline an episode, edit audio, or think strategically about content in fragments. But that’s exactly what I kept trying to do, squeezing meaningful work into days that were never designed to hold it.
The Rage of Being Seen Through an Old Identity
The rage didn’t come from lack of support.
It came from lack of recognition.
Family and friends still saw me through an old lens, the 9–5 version of me. The one who had evenings free. The one whose work stopped at a certain hour. The one who could “make it work later.” And the truth is, I was still seeing myself that way too. This was my first holiday as a business owner, and I didn’t yet know how to protect my time in a world that assumed I had plenty of it.
So I did what problem-solvers do. I compensated.
I woke up early to work while everyone slept. I told myself I’d get things done later. I adjusted my expectations. I carried the mental load quietly. I didn’t ask for help, because I don’t like to. I pride myself on figuring things out. And slowly, without realizing it, I became the default operator in every room while still expecting myself to produce at a high level.
That’s where the rage crept in.
Not because I don’t love my family. Not because I resent motherhood. But because my work time kept getting erased, by plans, by holidays, by togetherness, while my goals stayed exactly the same. I was trying to work inside days that had no structure to support work. I was expecting progress during a season designed for pause.
And that mismatch is exhausting.
The Rage That Signals a Shift, Not a Failure
The breakthrough came when I stopped blaming people, and stopped blaming myself, and started naming reality. Leaving a 9–5 doesn’t mean working less. It means working differently. Harder in some ways. Lonelier in others. It means carrying responsibility that doesn’t shut off for holidays. It means building systems while everyone else is relaxing.
Once I accepted that, I stopped trying to force productivity into family days. I stopped pretending vacation weeks were work weeks. I stopped believing that just because time exists on the calendar, it’s usable. I started naming days clearly: this is a family day, this is a work day.
I also realized something important: people don’t disrespect your time intentionally, they follow the structure you allow. And until I built a structure that reflected the weight of what I’m carrying, no one else could see it clearly either.
The Rage That Marks Becoming
If you’re a new business owner and you feel rage bubbling up during holidays, family visits, or social plans, listen to it. It’s not telling you you’re selfish. It’s telling you that your identity has shifted, but your environment hasn’t caught up yet. You didn’t leave your 9–5 to work less. You left it to build something that matters, and that requires protection, boundaries, and clarity.
You’re not failing.
You’re adjusting.
And adjustment is part of becoming the person who can hold both a business and a family without losing herself in the process.
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